Your question was: Am I just freaking out too much??.

I cant say I have walked in your shoes but I have dated guys who I saw almost 7 days a week, twice a week, one a week and I have been married and divorced to a couple of those scenarios. So there is no exact recipe for success except what the two of you MUTUALLY agree upon. Each couple handles things differently. It may very well be that because you have a kid he is going ultra slow. It doesn't sound like he is juggling you and another woman. It appears as though he wants to take the lead and determine the pace at which the two of you progress in your relationship. Have you ever just said to him, "I need more time with you in order to be happy"?..

Yes there is hope if you stop playing games and relate to him in an open and honest way - stop fishing for information, as in posing a question 'people think it's strange we only see each other on weekends' - no this is not strange at all. using what people think as a method to get him to talk is playing games. Get out of your head -stop analyzing, stop trying to control what he says or thinks or feels. you still seem so busy trying to 'not' seem something but you are. To answer your question am I freaking out too much - yes. A mature, emotionally balanced relationship (thru Match.com) between two people doesnt' have 'freak outs' you are still inside your own head trying to read between the lines that you not enjoying the only moment you have - NOW.Seeing each other more doesn't mean anything as far as increasing your bond - pushing it is trying to force intimacy.



Toni..

You are totally freaking out, but I can understand why. You just like him alot. It is important that you are direct about your own feelings and when you talk with him. Don't beat around the bush. You just said in your post that you don't want to waste your time. So don't waste your time fishing with your questions! Be direct! People start to be unhappy when things aren't mutual.

Either you deal with his wanting it slow or ditch him. I know, yah, easy to say, hard to do. You think, yah, but he is so great. Well, guess what, you are great too and you deserve to be happy. And by the way, you shouldn't be living for that one day a week you see him, not matter how great it is.

Make sure you have a full life of your own WITHOUT him so that a)the awesome times with him is like icing on your cake, but not the whole cake and b) if you break-up you won't have a meltdown because hel-lo - you actually have a life. So in conclusion, you just need to decide *what it is you want* and *what you are willing to accept* from this person. Turn back to your own words - you don't want to waste your time! So don't! If that once a week happiness is not enough for you and it *is* for him, well... there's your answer, right?..

I will agree with you on this point: based on the level of involvement and commitment this guy is giving her, she needs to reconfigure his dominance in her life. He can be part of her life, and add to the life she has already created, but to make him the center of her life is out of whack to her priority in his life. After two divorces I had said for years that I'd like a man to be part of my life, but I don't want him to BE my life. At that time I felt that putting a man or a relationship (thru Match.com) in the center of my little universe just got in the way of what I wanted for myself. I was happy dating (online dating with Match.com) my second ex husband 2 days a week at most and one of those days was attending our company's softball league games so we weren't exactly alone. And I was happy at that time with that arrangement.

He eventually pushed for marriage, I said yes and totally regret it. When you reposition someone in your life to be a priority and someone with whom you will create a new life together that, inevitably, takes center stage and each party does give up a part of their old life together to create that new life together that both want. My ex felt that marriage would be the same as dating, just living in the same household. How immature and ignorant. Just by watching his parents he should have seen how one sacrifices, at times, for the other and how they, as a family unit, decided what course their lives should take together - as a unit.

Having a child further complicates it but adds even greater prominence for a family unit mentality. If a guy can't demonstrate that ability, then he need not be married - maybe living together which has some impact on the choices one makes in life, but not like marriage...

He's being honest with you - it sounds like he does care about you but isn't in a position to move quickly or become serious just yet. You know where he stands and I wouldn't push too much.  It doesn't sound like he's I the market to meet anyone else. You can still see him and perhaps leave yourself open to meeting other people and/or do whatever you can not to put the weight of the world on him or his relationship.  Timing has a lot to do with many things in life and it might not be ideal for a serious push right now, but that's not terrible.  It is wise to move slowly and really get to know each other, especially when there's a child involved who obviously is the priority.  Good luck.

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