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Do dating sites like match.com and eharmony work? any success stories?

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My first question is: Do dating sites like match.com and eharmony work? any success stories?.

My next question is: I'm 46, back in the dating (online dating with Match.com) scene after a divorce and long-abstention from dating/men/etc. About two months ago I started seeing a man (49) who I like very much. He's kind and attentive, but a glacier.... we're not beyond chaste kissing (no tongue), and holding hands and things like that. He's generous with the hand-holding and other touching (while we walk, in the movies, etc), but I just can't understand being stalled.... or are we stalled? Is it too early to think there might be some further movement? We see each other about twice a week (lunch during the week, a date using Match.com on the weekend)..

On an early date using Match.com he mentioned his company holiday party this Friday. It was several weeks ago that he made the mention, and I took it as a "hold the date" hint, thinking that if things went along nicely, he would ask me to the event. The party is this Friday, and I've been sort of counting on that invitation. We had an e-mail exchange last night, and the question of Friday came up. He simply replied that he "has plans"..

I am, admittedly and perhaps unfairly, heartbroken. I don't think he's seeing anyone else (but I suppose it's possible). He was married for 16 years and had a hard breakup 6 years ago. Maybe he's in the once-burned, twice-shy category, but it WAS 6 years ago..

Am I pushing this too fast, expecting too much too soon, or is he one of those guys who will never let go of his heart/mind/body?.

HELP! I am clueless...

Comments (4)

Your question was: Do dating sites like match.com and eharmony work? any success stories?.

From what you've said, I don't think your relationship (thru Match.com) has stalled. You're seeing each other twice a week, and have only been going out for two months. I don't think the fact that he didn't invite you to his company's party means anything negative about your relationship; it's just too much too fast.I wouldn't take someone I've only dated for two months to a work party. Not because I'm not hopeful about a future with the guy, but because it would be too soon for me to be comfortable blending worlds that much.Just enjoy your Friday & relationship!..

Comment #1

Yes, you are overreacting.  To me, taking someone to your holiday party is a pretty big deal.  You don't usually take someone you are not in a serious relationship (thru Match.com) with or married to.  In my experience and opinion, these holiday parties are not a "casual date" kind of thing.  You've only been dating (online dating with Match.com) 2 months and it does not seem serious yet or even like you've discussed exclusivity. .

I think you read too much into it when he told you about the party in the first place.  If he'd intended it to be a "hold the date using Match.com and if we're still together at that time" kind of thing, I think he would have made a bigger deal out of it at the time and/or mentioned it since.  It was probably just something that came up in conversation - maybe they got the invitation about it that week and he mentioned it in passing.  IMO, you assumed FAR too much about the party and that you would be invited.  It might not even be something that dates are allowed - my department had a party a couple weeks ago and it was for us ONLY - not even spouses allowed much less casual dates..

<<Am I pushing this too fast, expecting too much too soon, or is he one of those guys who will never let go of his heart/mind/body?>>.

IMO - yes, you are pushing this too fast, expecting too much too soon and this has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not he will let go of his heart/mind/body.  It's been two months and he is obviously taking things slow.  But he's also not a mind reader.  If you want things to move along, you have to tell him or at least indicate that in some way.  If you want more than chaste kisses and hand holding - let him know either by saying so or in more subtle ways of taking a little more initiative..

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Comment #2

Unless a guy directly asks you to join him at an event dont assume it. Ask him "is this an invitation?"  women tend to quietly sit back and try to read between the lines instead of just being appropriately assertive...

Comment #3

Thanks SO much everyone.... this helps tremendously. As it turns out he's going to help me with a project on Saturday morning and we're going to then spend the afternoon together.  I REALLY appreciate the reality check!..

Comment #4


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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