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Does anyone know a way to read e-mails on match.com without subscribing to it?

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My first question is: Does anyone know a way to read e-mails on match.com without subscribing to it?.

My next question is: Well..I went out with this man on three dates and I had a nice time but I am not interested in continuing to date using Match.com him.  I've known him for 10 years - as an acquaintance only...and I wrote him off as a potential "love" interest 10 years ago.  Gave him a chance now, since he asked me out really nicely (he did, he asked awefully nice).  I have gotten to know him better after the three dates, which was nice but there is nothing I am interested about him or what he is about and I have no chemistry towards him.  He is not unpleasant at all...just not someone I want to continue to see on a personal/dating setting, but would be just fine in group setting.

How do guys want to be "let go"??? I am still going to see this man in our social circles...so I need to be careful of how I do this...

Comments (11)

Your question was: Does anyone know a way to read e-mails on match.com without subscribing to it?.

Do it the same way if the roles were reversed - with dignity and kindness. I've done this before and said "You are a nice man and I enjoy (have enjoyed) the time we've spent getting to know each other. I don't feel the level of chemistry that I know needs to be here for a serious relationship.  I hope you find what you are looking for.".

 .

Toni..

Comment #1

Thank you Toni! I have written a bit of a "cue card" for when we get to talk to eachother...I do not want to get nervous and just blur something out that might be offensive or rude.

Unfortunately no one has "let me go" with kindness and respect lately, when I did my two years of internet dating (online dating with Match.com) - the guys that let me go were actually very condesending and a bit rude.  So I am trying to think - "ok, let me do the opposite of what these guys did" because I know how crummy it felt being on the receiving end. .

Thank you I appreciate the feed-back..

 ..

Comment #2

Last time I had to do this was with a very, very nice man who, on paper, was everything I wanted - there was 0, zilch, nada chemistry.  I found myself not wanting to answer his calls nor was I excited to see or hear from him. And that was unfair to him and me. So _ I called him up one day, got his VM and left him a message that basically said what I said in my previous post.  We had only gone out 3 or 4 times over a 6 week period so I was fine with the phone call thing..

 .

He actually returned my call later that day and got my VM and told me he had kind of figured that I 'wasn't that into him' and thanked me for letting him know an dwished me well.

 .

I have always remembered that the way things end greatly affect the way somethign else begins - so end things well, with respect and kindness, regardless of what others do..

Toni..

Comment #3

Yea! I know what you mean about zero chemistry and not even being a little excited about seeing him or hearing his voice on a VM or anything.  I was even starting to get annoyed by his VM's.  I tried to make myself feel something - he is nice...but nope! NOTHING!!! I would not want someone to be with me if they felt ZERO for me - and I feel he and I deserve to be with people that we are genuinely interested in and that they have an equal interest in us as well.  So...it might be a bit ackward to say goodbye but he will be free to find that special someone and I also can continue with my search..

Chemistry is a very elusive thing.....

Comment #4

Yes - I have to feel that passion with someone - and if it's not there, nothing else will override that - at least for me..

I have lurked on the Mismatched Libidos board some - and also have a close friend who is sexually mismatched with her husband - and for the life of me, don't think I could knowingly go into a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone that I didn't want to kiss or not take my hands off of - and it's not just a sexual thing to me - it's about the 'irresistable desire to be irresistably desired".

Toni..

Comment #5

I'm sure he will appreciate a courteous and respectful sendoff.  However, I dont think you need a cue card to simply state "I dont think we have what it takes (chemistry-wise) to form the basis of a good dating (online dating with Match.com) relationship".  If you focus on what the two of you are together instead of him alone it will be the truth and also help him save face...

Comment #6

English is my second language so when I get nervous I forget how to speak - any language.  I am using the cue card just to practice, I am not going to read it to him.

If it wasn't because I've known him for 10 years, this would be alot simpler.  And also the fact that I will continue to see him in our social circle.  We'll see what happens.  I guess what you are trying to say is "keep it short and sweet"..

I will remember that!..

Comment #7

If he is someone that will remain in your social circle, then something like "You're a great guy and I like you a lot but I prefer that we remains just friends".

 .

Yes - short and sweet is best. Don;t offer to explain more than "I prefer to just be friends".

 .

Good luck.

Toni..

Comment #8

Thanks for clarifying.  I didnt know that English was not your primary language, so please excuse my post if it sounded confusing.  I guess my point was to keep it short and sweet, but more importantly - because you are part of the same social group it would be better to refer to the chemistry between the two of you not being right for dating (online dating with Match.com) rather than to talk about him or any of his qualities...

Comment #9

Yes, I do know what you mean.  No sense in getting into the specifics of why I cannot see myself being his girlfriend or having him in my personal life. .

It is not his fault that I am not very attracted to what he looks like, who he is, does or believes in....I have noticed other ladies being very interested in him and have wondered why he does not persue them. .

I just have to make sure I keep my mouth shut if he pushes for more information.

 ..

Comment #10

Be very complimentary about him and what a good guy he is but say that your initial instincts were right - the two of you have a great friend vibe... so you hope you can continue spending time together on that level..

,..

Comment #11


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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