Your question was: Has anyone been contacted by an Otto George Hoffman off of Match.com? He may be a scammer in Nigeria.

Well, what do you normally do?  How soon do you normally ask?.

Since she likes to start slow how about you discussing exclusivity and monogamy?  That you want to make sure that the two of you are on the same page without discussing titles or seriousness of the relationship...

The thing is, if I look back over my life and the couple of relationships that became REAL and longlasting ..

Either a relationship (thru Match.com) talk there in the beginning would not have made a hill of beans one way or the other.  The relationship (thru Match.com) formed over time and then it just was.  It just seems that, as to forming into a couple, we got to know each other naturally, and then we just were a couple.   .

Or a relationship (thru Match.com) talk there in the beginning would have been a negative.  For men & woman, someone who moves too quickly can be a turn-off.   Someone moving too quickly is focused on fulfilling a need in themselves rather than asking if this other person is the right one.  I'll give you an example this past week I went on a retreat with a group of professionals.  There was an older man there who followed me around for awhile.  Way too eager, my friend called him a "creeper" and I eventually ditched him.  The last evening, I saw him across the room hovering close to another single woman on the trip.  We were right about him this guy, he wasn't into me at all.  He needed someone, anyone.  And that's the problem with moving too quickly, even if you're coming from the right place. .

So I agree with the girl you're dating.  Sixteen days is too soon.  It takes awhile longer to get to know someone and someone who is really interested in her  in particular, will take that time.  I think that she is being rather mature here.  I would suggest:  just let your relationship (thru Match.com) build naturally.  Don't have the relationship (thru Match.com) talk yet.  Wait awhile and ask her out and have a good time see where the next few months take you.  Have trust...

First of all ... HELLO from another Orange County'er!.

Second, I'd say ... have you discussed what type of relationships you are both looking for?  I.e, if she's had a series of LTRs, maybe she just wants to date using Match.com and be casual for awhile?  It think it's important to have this conversation early ... many will even say by the 3rd date.   Its a general conversation ... it's not an "about us" convo ... it's a "what are you looking for, what are you goals?" convo.  That way, if you know she's not looking for anything more than casual dating (online dating with Match.com) ... and you know you are looking for something more serious then ...



Based on the dates you've had so far ... it definitely sounds like you're both enjoying each other ... and could be on the cusp of something really nice.

But, I have a hard time understanding how... at only 22 ... she could have such a succession of LTRs ... she's not that old!   But, I disgress .........

(this one always works!) Why don't you tell her, "I really like you and I think things between us are going really well... I just want you to know I'm not interested in dating (online dating with Match.com) other people and I hope you feel the same"When she responds enthusiastically then you can start calling her your girlfriend. Have fun..

Wow, I never looked at it that way. Thanks for opening my eyes to that point of view (and this is why I love going to these female message boards). But then again there's also a difference between that guy in your example and my situation. It's easy to just go up to a girl randomly and tell her you like her, but I don't think a lot of people would go through all the motions i've gone through to show her that I am interested in her. I'm not saying you're wrong for saying what you said (I actually appreciated it because I didn't see it that way.) I will definitely keep this in mind. Thank you..

Yes, we've had this conversation. we both know that we are looking for long term relationships. it's actually not that she's looking for long term relationships....it's just how she is when it comes to relationships. she puts 110% of herself into it, and so they all end up being LTRs.yes, we've had some pretty amazing dates. the way I described it really didn't do it any justice.as far as how many LTRs she's had and how old she was when she first started dating... I really have no clue...

Just want to say KUDOS to both of you for going slow....keeeeeep it up.  It may be a little to soon. Give it a couple more weeks and continue to treat her the way you have been. It is a rare thing to see 2 people take things slow. It shows you are a a great guy and you are truly interestd in her for something more than just sex...

Oh, no, I'm not saying that you are like that guy.  What I am saying though is that that guy made it too easy and by making it too easy he was scaring all of his potential dates off.  He was the extreme but the point I was trying to make is simply this:  You don't want to make it too easy.  And at 2 1/2 weeks in, you're close to making it too easy.  I don't mean play a stupid dating (online dating with Match.com) game, either.  Although in a way those wait-to-call "rules" may force otherwise over-eager daters into more relationship-appropriate behavior.  We value what is harder to get, and dismiss what is given away.  We also value the deeper friendship that builds over time.  It just seems that those couples who dive into an initial infatuation wind up disappointed down the road, because the real person can't live up to the infatuation.  But if you can hold out and really get to know her first, to the point where you can trust without even having to say it (although we always have to say it), it will only get better. .

So, IMHO, what you want to do is do all the things you have done and keep up the crescendo, but still keep a healthy part of yourself that says "I want this to be real" and wait to have the relationship (thru Match.com) talk.  Make sure that it is really real first.  Although if you have sex, then you probably need to talk about exclusivity then. .

One of the values to these boards, though, is getting different opinions.  It's just my opinion that the relationship (thru Match.com) talk needs to wait awhile, at least several months in.  But, in the end, you get select what advice is most suitable to you and take it from there.   Good luck!  You seem like a great guy...

Thank you for the compliment and motivation to keep my pace. Sex hasn't really been a priority when it comes to dating (online dating with Match.com) and relationships for me. I mean, i'm human but I'm not your typical guy...

I totally agree with that. It's human nature to want what you can't get and to be sick of what's always available. I've always kept this in mind with dating, but i've always been against playing games. I think that being open and honest in any relationship (thru Match.com) (family, friends, significant others...etc). It's just a whole lot healthier that way. But it doesn't really work when one is playing a game and the other is being open and honest.

So what I've been doing is just mimicking the other person (within reason of course). Anyway, I have to get going, but I really do appreciate you and everyone else taking their time to respond to this and help me better myself...

How long have the two of you been seeing each other. And what do the terms boyfriend and girlfriend mean to you and to her? To some people it's somthing casual that says, you're a part of my life.  But exclusivity, monogamy, are more serious clearly....

Talk about goals - does she see herself getting seriously involved at some point, what is she looking for, does she see this relationship (thru Match.com) possibly having potential?  Take it from there.

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