Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by match.com...?
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My first question is: Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by match.com...?.
My next question is: I know this really sweet guy. We have known of each other for years and have been friends for a few years. There was definitely some interest on his part on going out. I was hesitant to pursue anything for a few reasons. I wasn't sure he was really my type. I didn't know if I was physically attracted to him. We also worked together. I had been burned by that before and was wary. Also, I was still recovering from some relationship (thru Match.com) drama. It just wasn't a good time to start something. We still flirted at work, stuck like glue to each other during work functions, and pretended like we were actually going to go out. I definitley liked him, but I wasn't sure if I liked him liked him. Fast forward a little. We no longer work together, but when ever we see each other that spark is still there. Fast forward a little bit more. We met up with a group of mutual friends. I was estatic to see him. The topic of conversation turned to children. One of our friends was talking about his kids and then mentioned that this guy had kids. I thought he was joking. I was thinking I would have heard about this. He wasn't joking. He has twin baby boys by a girl he works with. The twins are a few months old. The lovebirds were together before she started working with him. They kept it on the low for as long as they could. .
My dilemma: I really do like him mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I know that now. I always said that I did not want to date using Match.com anyone with kids. I don;t need the drama,. He has me questioning myself. I am older now and at that point where kids are something on my mind. That spark is still there, in fact I would say it is burning even brighter. Instead of wanting him less, I want him even more. After all our friends left the restaurant, I sat in his arms and we talked for three hours. I am confused now. I want to be with him, but this situation is not ideal. Am I setting myself up for disaster even thinking about this. Why do I find the most complicated situations?..
Your question was: Has anyone ever heard or been dubed by match.com...?.
Why did he keep the children a secret? Was he afraid of how you would react or was he afraid of something else?..
We all have hard boundaries and soft boundaries in relationships. The hard ones are those that are absolutes - deal breakers. Teh soft ones often are more dependent upon the person and relationship. You have to decide if this is a hard or soft deal breaker..
When you know this then you can take action. It doesn't matter if 'he's perfect, but...' - if your deal breaker is no kids, then it wouldn't be smart to ignore that. This is why it's important to be clear on what we want and need in a relationship (thru Match.com) FIRST and then decide if someone is a good fit.
Take your emotions outof this for a moment and really look at the relationship (thru Match.com) - he will always be a Dad and you will often be a second priority for him for at least 18 years. If you can't accept this situation as is - then move on.
Toni..
