Your question was: How can I find out on match.com where these girls really live or if they have a record or history of.

Not asking is pretty bad, but guys can be so dense, I'm not really surprised.  I personally would tell my guy that I want a proposal.  Also, if I really hated the engagement ring, I'd tell him to get me the one I wanted.  I mean, it's supposed to be for forever and I'm the one who has to wear it so I don't think it's unreasonable to make sure I got the one I wanted..

As for him not telling the family, I would ask my guy when exactly he plans on telling them. .

Just from what you described, things sound really wack, girl.  You need to seriously evaluate and make sure you guys are stable enough to get married.  You dont want to enter a marriage already a total mess..

Edited 12/26/2008 3:01 am ET by blairbear89..

Well for one I dont think hes cheating ( in regaurds to the std ) I was unfortunate to contract such once and immediately went for the throat of my then boyfriend , he went and was tested and it wasnt him , and I wasnt cheating ,Dr told me it could of been from years ago ..

       I agree with blair  , you have to wear the ring , you should have one you like! Men are dense , just because youve talked about it doesnt mean you would say yes , he still should of asked instead of assuming it and slipping it on your finger and going about his buisness. .

   A Proposal to marriage is exciting!!  His actions are confusing to me , doesnt seem like he's excited as someone should be about marriage and the scary thing is you dont seem it either.I think you need to take a step back and examine things better , you only want to married once right?..

Sorry but you are not happy with this man why would you even want to marry him?  You need to give the ring back, break up with him and move on.  There are several red flags in your post..

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My next door neighbor.

Wants to ban all guns.

THEIR HOUSE IS UNARMED.

Out of respect for their opinion I will not protect.

Them with my guns..

Kristy, I have to agree with Ms. Yankee, I have no idea why you're excited to get engaged to this guy as you seem to have a lot of negativity between you right now. His "proposal" SUCKED. And his reasoning is really, really immature. He didn't want his mother to find out because she would think he was nuts by proposing to you? Then it wasn't the right time to get engaged! Or you're the wrong person, or he's not mature enough, but it was the wrong thing to do at the wrong time. If he gave you a ring without wanting to have everyone know and be excited about it, that's really idiotic and childish.I agree you should give it back and break up.

I just don't understand why you two continue...

Well, clearly your happiness is not high on his agenda, this is no way to start a relationship, never mind a marriage. This doesn't sound right, the guy is not behaving appropriately. If this were me,I would put a stop to all of this - you must stand up for yourself, now. If he has any redeemable qualities, he will 'pull himself together' fast, but he really needs to do some work here and you need to be strong and let him. (I suspect that you're not that keen on him - the fact that you're displeased with the ring is interesting...)If he's not the man for you, then it really is better that you realise it and act on it now, rather than 2.5 kids and a mortgage later.Good luck..

I do have to say that your proposal/engagement was really a poor attempt on his part.  He could have said "will you marry me?" as he was putting the ring on your finger - not too hard to do..

I dont understand why he went through the trouble of asking you what you wanted if he wasnt going to try to find a ring like that.  Between the lack of proposal and his family not knowing and you not getting the ring you wanted...how can one not think he just wanted you to feel let down and disappointed.  If he didnt want to get married all he had to do was say so..

If you feel comfortable enough - why not ask him where he bought it so you can exchange it for something more along the lines of what you DID want?  If he had the chutzpah to handle things the way he did he should be able to handle an exchange like a big boy..

"he said he wanted to tell his Mom later because he had confided some of our issues with her and he didn't want her to think he was nuts.".

What does the above mean? That he wanted to see what his mom said about how he handled things to get some support?  If you can elaborate - please do so..

What is a small ring to you?.

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ITA! .

Sounds to me like he's giving her a ring and going thru the motions (sort of!) because he thinks it's what SHE wants ... not what HE really wants.

And personally, I would never get engaged or married to someone who was only doing it because he thinks it's what he "should" do.  ..

First I want to tell you most men are not DENSE. I get kind POed when women suggest they are because they cant read  minds or they didnt react the way we women think they should have. They dont have ouiji board kick in their butt kickin to read minds..

Second...if you are unhappy why are you wanting to marry him??? It will not change who he is.

Third I see this soooo much...why wont he tell his family. Dont push that issue. Let him do it in his time. But then again you are going to marry a man that you are unhappy with..

All I see is my feeling I this and I that...truly what about him. But then again you want to marry a man you are unhappy with and do not trust..

Marriage is very serious..and it's necessary to trust your intended, communicate with him, feel like he's on your side..

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