Your question was: How do I email someone on Match.com without becoming a member?.

N.B. My post is meant to be helpful and honest. No offence at all is intended..

The guy is probably confused. You are sending mixed signals to this man. He is the one who wants you to stay after sex; you are the one that always wants to leave. The fact that you want to leave after might say to him that you don't want to get too close. He's probably wondering if it is just physical for you, and he's probably trying to figure out how not to come off clingy to you. To be honest, you say you think he's being clingy and then you say you want him not to be cold. You have to decide on some kind of middle ground; do you want him to want you to stay, or do you want him to give you space? BTW, if he was the one wanting to leave after sex, how would you react? (I'm not saying that there is something wrong with wanting to sleep in your own bed, but just imagine that he was the one getting up to leave after sex - espeially after the first time).

You also have to be careful of giving off 'desperate' vibes. I'm not saying you're desperate, but first you say this:.

>>I was not that into him.. I did not know him that well, and I enjoyed the date using Match.com but I just did not have an instant crush on him<<.

Then this:.

>>we ended up having sex<<.

Things like 'ending up having sex' (which BTW, didn't really happen. You can't 'end up' having sex; you either want to or you don't) so soon can send the wrong message to a man. I find that women tend to question themselves after a sexual encounter that has happened way too soon. That being said, try going out with this man on the next date and just connecting on an emotional level, without having sex. It might take the pressure off of both of you, and the phone calls/texts the next day might be easier for both of you. You two also need to talk about exactly what is going on; it seems like neither of you knows what to expect from the other..

CL - Women of Color  ..

Thank you for your reply! You are right, I was sending mixed signals.. I did not want to sleep with him, but then I was disappointed for him not texting or calling me the very next day.. and even though I was the one leaving, I expected him to ask me to see me again. How could I make this right?? I left him twice even though he wanted me to stay and then out of the blue I call him last minute, I go over and I expect him to be all excited... Probably he was just trying to be cautious with me... You see think I am afraid of being rejected and I don't want to come across as too clingy either..

So my dilemma is then, after the way I acted towards him, how could I make it right? Would it be my turn to ask him to meet? Should I text him and ask to meet (I just left him this morning) or should I give him a day or two or three...?? I am just worried that his curbed enthusiasm last night was due to somehow not being into me that much anymore for some reason... Should I just wait till he calls? Or should I ask him out?? I really want to make this right... What would you recommend I do? Thanks so much again for your advice - you pointed something out to me that did not even occur to me... When you are in a situation it is hard to see objectively.....

You're welcome..

How about calling him and asking him out for a casual outing, like for coffee? That way you get to talk, and really know each other. I think the fact that he wants you to stay after is a good thing...

>>Probably he was just trying to be cautious with me... You see think I am afraid of being rejected and I don't want to come across as too clingy either<<.

I know this feeling. Unfortunately it can end up backfiring in that you can come off as not needing anyone and turn some people off. Maybe when you left after sex you thought that he would think "Cool!" but it didn't quite work. Try not to put so much pressure on your self, or on him. Good luck..

CL - Women of Color  ..

You are right... Should I call him tonight (as I just left this morning) or wait a few days?? I want to make it right, but I am afraid that 1, If I dont call him, his confusion will just breed further and I will alienate him2, If I call him, he will feel that I am clingy and too easy-to-get and I scare him away... What do you think?..

Hi, I could not resist and I called him.. It went right to voicemail after one ring.. He probably did not want to answer.. :-( Now what..?..

Just my two cents:.

When people stop being themselves because they worry about being perceived as "clingy" everything starts to go wrong. If a guy perceives you as clingy it is because he wants things more casual - it is not the woman (you) it is what the guy wants (situation).  If it were me, I'd rather know sooner than later that the guy who I am dating (online dating with Match.com) or sleeping with wants a casual situation.  Sure...there could be real annoying people out there, but usually it is more about how the guy sees his life and how sex and romance work in that life...

>>I called him.. It went right to voicemail after one ring.. He probably did not want to answer.. :-( Now what..? <<.

Not sure, but since you've called you'll have to keep us updated on how it goes...

CL - Women of Color  ..

Did you leave a message?  Hopefully you didso now the ball is in his court..

And I'd really think about what you're looking for before you spend much more time trying to figure this out.  If you want a real relationship (thru Match.com) rather than a fling/booty call type situation, this probably isn't the guy for you since it sounds like that is his primary interest. .

Sheri..