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How to use Match.com for dummies?

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My question is: How to use Match.com for dummies?.

My 2nd question is: Hello, I came across ivilliage years ago and I figured I need some other women advice other than the ladies at my work place. I have been dating (online dating with Match.com) my guy for four years now, and we are high school sweethearts. back in the beginning of our relationship (thru Match.com) it was always "oh baby I cant wait to get out of highschool and marry you and get our own place" and it's been two years since we graduated high school (plus gained alot of maturity and common sense) and he now never mentions it and when I mention it he says we will cross that bridge when we get to it. it's so frustrating to me because I know I love him and want to get on starting my life with him but he seems like he does not want to marry me anymore. am I just being a bridezilla and am over reacting?..

Comments (10)

I define a bridezilla as a bride who has gone nuts with manipulation and other controlling actions during the planning of her wedding, her reception, her showers, and her ceremony. Based on what you've posted here, I don't think you're a bridezilla..

How long have you been engaged? Have you set a wedding date?.

Are You a Bridezilla?.

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Comment #1

Yeah when I say bridezilla I am meaning like obsessed with getting married to him. I know the show bridezillas is about the brides acting crazy I was just putting it in a way I thought of. we are not engaged. and thats my thing. he was all for it until about four or five months ago when I thought I was pregnant. it was scary for us being that we are not financially ready for a child but we vowed to get engaged and stay together between ourselves.

I was just wanting some other opinions on if maybe I'm over reacting about getting married. or does he just not wanna do that anymore...

Comment #2

A "bridezilla" is always a woman who is engaged and being a horror while actively planning her wedding. It doesn't pertain to your situation at all so I think you're just obsessed with being married. So you're 2 years out of high school, you can't be more than what, 20 years old? My high school sweetheart said things like "I want to marry you" when we were 18-19 years old too, young and immature, because it was a romantic thing to say and very easy to say without having to actually GET married. It's easy to really think you want to get married when you're young but I haven't known one male who was ready or able to make that commitment at that age, whether or not they were emotionally mature or dating (online dating with Match.com) the perfect girl in the world. I hope you can sort of understand that when a girl tells a guy "I might be pregnant", he sort of reevaluates the rest of his life.Why do YOU need to get married now? What will marriage bring you that you don't have? Isn't there anything you'd like to accomplish with your life that doesn't involve a ring?..

Comment #3

>>>>its so frustrating to me because I know I love him and want to get on starting my life with him but he seems like he does not want to marry me anymore. am I just being a bridezilla and am over reacting? <<<<<.

This above statement is about you...look at what he wants ...and if it feels like it is not you then move on. You have a dream what you and he thought was going to be...he may have changed or he wants to have certain things in oreder before he gets married. Pushing him will only push away. Again if you feel you arent getting what you need then move on...

Comment #4

Thank you for your advice. your right I am thinking about me and noone has told me that until now. thanks again...

Comment #5

Cmstephanie,.

I noticed on the bottom of your reply you have a picture of a dog named sadie and that she just passed recently. my dogs name is sadie as well. but I wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss...

Comment #6

While I can't say what his true desires may or may not be regarding your getting married since only he knows what he wants, I do think you might find the Not Quite Engaged board a good fit for your situation..

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Comment #7

Thank you. She was a sweetie..

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Comment #8

"I define a bridezilla as a bride who has gone nuts with manipulation and other controlling actions during the planning of her wedding, her reception, her showers, and her ceremony. ".

You are correct.  Many years ago I was in a bridal party where the bride got a little out of control - spending the bridal party's money.  I was the maid of honor and one of my responsibilities was to arrange the bachelorette party.  I talked with the rest of the bridal party frequently so that everyone's input was included. .

We thought that we would start off with a nice dinner/drinks and then rent a limo for about 5 hours and go bar or club hopping.  We would all meet at the restaurant so that no time was wasted for the limo in picking people up and dropping them off.  The bride was not happy with our decision - her fiance was going to be out all night long with a limo.  Unfortunately for her we were not wealthy people and could not afford this type of evening in addition with engagement gifts and attire for the wedding.  The gown she selected for us was well over $200 and we convinced her to allow us to rent our gowns - each person with their own dress .. as long as the color scheme was adhered to - which cut the bill in more than half. .

She also wanted me to set up a bridal shower .. eventhough they had an engagement party and everyone brought gifts to the engagement party.  If she wanted a bridal type brunch .. where it was not mandatory .. and those people who did not send gifts for the engagement could attend .. that would have been alright.   I thought that she was going overboard and I told her and her fiance so.  She felt that another bridesmaid would do a better job of managing her requests .. so I gladly stepped aside and stayed in the bridal party but not as the maid of honor.  It turns out ..

And all she got for her bachelorette party .. was a simple dinner.  And we all left promptly after dinner was over .. so we spent about 2 hours that night with her.   We .. as the wedding party .. refused to go along with her unreasonable demands because ..

Etc.   I think she learned a valuable lesson..

I have been married twice and both times I made sure to make life as easy for the wedding party as possible.  At my first wedding I told them to buy pink/rose/mauve dresses - whatever they felt looked good on them.  The maid of honor decided to wear a long peachy/mauve dress and the two bridesmaids wore very tasteful cocktail/party dresses.  I didnt care what jewelry or shoes they wore .. as long as they were comfortable and looked nice.  When it came time for picture taking - we made sure that they had a comfortable limo to hang out in (in was summer time) that was airconditioned and had plenty of champagne for them to drink.  The second wedding was a simple wedding in a friend's home and we both had only one person (best man, maid of honor) along side us and it was a casual affair so .. it was no bother for them.   I never had a bridal shower .. for either wedding.  When I got married the first time .. people were constantly sending us engagement gifts .. so we didnt feel that a bridal shower was in good taste...

Comment #9

Are the two of you in college? You're still pretty young. Why are you in such a rush to get married? You're not being a bridzilla but you can ask him where he sees the two of you heading in the future and does he see any kind of timeline?.

,..

Comment #10


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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