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In match.com what does "Active within 5 days" mean?

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My first question is: In match.com what does "Active within 5 days" mean?.

My next question is: I recently got to know this guy through a friend and was told by her that he likes me. He asked me out and I said no. The main reason I said no is because I am not phsycially attracted to him. Well he kept texting me and calling and I didn't want to hurt his feeling so I continuted to talk to him and get to know him. Well now it's been about  a month and I have grown to like him. But I told him i would like to be friends first.

Out of all the guys I have known, he is the most caring and giving person I know. He is very understanding and says such sweet things. But I am still confused. I feel like I am a really vain person. I know there are more to looks, but he looks older then his age (35) and is balding and has not so great looking teeth.

But it's just those few things that take away from his looks. I have my family and friends telling me I can do way better, and yet I can't stop talking to him. I think about him all the time, and when I do think of him my heart skips a beat. I think I may be falling for him, but is it possible to get past the way a person looks?..

Comments (7)

Your question was: In match.com what does "Active within 5 days" mean?.

Does he have the qualities you are looking for in a person?  That is all that matters to me.  You have to decide what qualities are important to you and go from there. .

I have been a victim of people judging me for different reasons (circumstances) and I felt that the people were a little vain.  They seemed more worried about what others thought instead of focusing on the qualities that attracted them to me in the first place.  It forced me to take a look why I tolerated that kind of behavior and it was a very eye opening experience.  Vanity was the one characteristic they had in common. .

Sorry, didn't mean to highjack your thread with my story.  My point is, who cares what others think if he makes you happy and makes your heart skip a beat.  I wouldn't allow my friends to judge someone I wanted in my life that way.  Maybe you should investigate why you are so worried about what your friends think instead of what makes you happy.  Isn't your happiness more important?     ..

Comment #1

I don't think you're being vain. While looks shouldn't matter, being attracted to the person you're with is. It's not wrong that you're not attracted to him because it's not something you can force. Besides, it would be unfair to him if you led him on only to tell him that you're not attracted to him.

I think telling him you'd like to be friends first was the best thing to do. Hang out with him, no strings attached. You never know, you might end up being attracted to him after a while. It happens.

CL - Women of Color  ..

Comment #2

Some people disagree about this - to me, physical attraction is either there or not there. The men that I have been so-so about in that respect, while very nice and compatible otherwise, just didn't do it for me after a few dates. If I couldn't imagine myself kissing them, then I was very sure that nothing further could develop.One man, whom I liked very much and clicked with on an emotional and mental level - I wasn't attracted to much at all. And I found myself putting off kissing him for the longest time even when he was dying to kiss me! WE eventually did and more, and it was good but I felt something was missing. I would look at him at have fleeting thoughts about him like "I wish he were more muscular" or "I wish he dressed better" etc. That was my instincts telling me 'No' about the man.

Looking back I realize I was trying to make myself attracted because he treated me well and was fun to be with. there has to be more for a romantic relationship (thru Match.com) to be truly fulfilling. The whole package has to be there otherwise you end up being with someone you aren't just crazy about. That 'it' factor is what makes the difference between good friends and a lover. If you continue to go out with him and don't find yourself wanting to kiss or have sex with him, that should be plenty of information for you to do what is necessary.

Hon, he can be great on paper and a really good match but still lack attraction. This means you are on the right track but not at the end of the line yet. You may need to keep going - taking his good qualities along with you while continuing to hold out for those that he doesn't have. At most, our partner will meet 80% of our needs. You have to know what matters to you most and if the 20% not provided is something you can do without.

Listen to your heart - it will always guide you to the right path - staying in your head or listening to what others tell you you should feel or do will keep you confused.For me personally, I can't be in a romantic relationship (thru Match.com) with someone I am not attracted to..

Toni..

Comment #3

I don't think you're being vain; you're not attracted to him. You also shouldn't have to "get past" the way he looks, it isn't fair to either of you. I know a few people in relationships with people I think are less than average or downright ugly and they are very happy... To each their own, this guy won't be alone forever just because you're not into him. Here's my test - picture yourself kissing him. Does it feel good or are you grossed out? There's your answer.....

Comment #4

Lt depends why you are not attracted to him - it is a physical thing (like you cant imagine kissing him in private or public) OR is it more about image - like what your friends or family will think?  If you cant imagine (fantasize) kissing him...then forget it.  When you say bad teeth...what exactly do you mean?..

Comment #5

Thanks for all the good advice. I guess I feel that it might be impossible to find the whole package (good looks, personality, etc.) I think if he were better looking I would definelty be in a relationship (thru Match.com) with him. Im just afraid that by being friends with him I am leading him on. I feel that he is holding on to the idea of us eventually dating.  I have liked guys based on just their looks and have found they are lacking other good qualities, or they just aren't that into me. With this guy, he pays alot of attention to me and I guess I like the attention. I don't know how I would feel if I kissed him.

When I say he has bad teeth, I mean that he has some missing in the front. if that were fixed his smile would look better. The balding does not bother me that much. He is not ugly, but he just looks slightly older then 35.  I am 27 so I am a little younger then him. Age has never been a factor for me.

I do not want to trick myself into liking someone. I guess only time will tell. Thanks again for the replies...

Comment #6

Hon, if you believe that it's impossible to have a man that treats you well AND that you are totally hot for then you won't. What you believe has everything to do with what you have. RAther than swing from one extreme - dating (online dating with Match.com) men who are good looking but lack the quality you like - to the other - dating (online dating with Match.com) men with all the quality and none of the 'WOW' factor - find the happy medium. Right now you are finding exactly what yoy are looking for - one way or another.As long as you look at appearance as a primary factor in what makes a good partner, you will continue to be disappointed. When you look for love, you will always find beauty. When you look for beauty, love can remain elusive.

When you truly believe you deserve a good man who is crazy about you and turns you on - then and only then will you find teh total package..

Toni..

Comment #7


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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