Well first I want to tell you kudos for finding a man that has his priorities inorder...huis kids are first. To have that in anyone now a days is a rare thing specailly for a man. You also must be prepared to be 2nd at all times till his kids are on thier own. You must also be patient with him and be spportive. You must also ask if you ever plan to have kids and if he ever wants more...his are grown he may not want any more.  As a single mom of 5 2 are adults 1 in js and 2 in Elemenary is dont get to have a lot of dating (online dating with Match.com) time. I choose that.

Yes it is common for a teen girl to be protective of her father...wheres e mom did she leave for another man and maybe the teen is afraid of loosing her father. Or is there something else...she in counseling thats good and at some point her father willknow if it's a control thing or are tere issues that he still needs to be addressing with out you being involved..

And if you CANT WAIT????  Then cut him loose so he can find someone who can. Stop rushing it in the first place....things to go slow anyway and slower when kids are involved. Like I said if you cant be patient he will dump you because he is being pulled a lot of ways..he needs you support not your pull...

Hi Bitemex5,.

I agree with you.  He is wonderful and a real man.  I adore the fact that his family is so important.  In fact I adore everything about him and I know that he is in a hard place..

If I can't wait and I feel that my feelings have gone overboard, I will let him go, before I meet his kids. It's only fair that I make that decision.  However, I can hold out, if I can get a little time and understanding, too.  Believe me, my life is not easy to work with either.  I should have clarified that my time limit is not that short and I'm willing to give it a go for a while, but to be fair, I feel that I need a little too.  Right now, we work around his schedule and I adjust mine as much as I can. .

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that his daughter will come around to the idea of him having a relationship (thru Match.com) with someone other than her mother and make it a little easier to schedule some dates!  I know that he cancelled with me mostly to be available for her surprise party.  He told me that he went that afternoon.  I understand that it was important for him to be there for her.  I really do, but, I won't lie, it still hurt.  Especially when I asked him a month ago to schedule some time for us on the only weekend available between us both.  He's had family obligations for most of the last month..

Maybe I'm viewing all of this through my colored glasses.  I am not young.  He is the first man I've felt so much for  in a long while.  He has stated that he wants to be with me, that he wants to have kids with me.  This was not a conversation I initiated, btw.  I feel the pull of my own clock ticking when I hear statements like that.  I'm only human! :-) and hopeful!  I just pray for the understanding and patience to not give up or press too soon! .

Thanks for the advice on kids!  They are such a mystery sometimes..

LMK.

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I canreassure you his daughter will come around in her time. Not anyone elses.

Lets look and the B-day dinner thing...you wanted to show him a specail time for his B-day right...any woman would ...but for what...to show him how much you care for him...the best way to show him you care for him is to be very patient and very very supportive...yes he had to cancel... let it go. I am sure he is remembering how much you didnt get mad. That right there is worth more than any dinner.

I understand both sides of this...for the last 5 years I have been in love with a a single father whos daughter has a few issues. Short of it...we dated for awhile lunches mostly..his young daughter found out through a neighbor...she went into a depression. He has had sense then my 100% support as a friend and we have talked about dating (online dating with Match.com) but not until his daughter is grown and then we shall see. Did I mention hes a cop....CRAZY life to begin with...what I am saying he appreciats my support and me not pushing him...and in return I have an amazig best friend with lots of wonderful advise when I need t. He will remember how supportive you are longer than he will remember a dinner...

Thanks! You are so right! I didn't get mad, but he did know I was disappointed, unfortunately.  I was and I don't have a very good poker face.  I hope she realizes that she will always be first with him, along with her brother..

I'm glad you caught my meaning earlier.   I thought maybe you were mistaken that I am in a hurry for engagement or something along those lines.  Been there done that and all...I want kids, but marriage I'm still afraid of.  What I was really talking about is how long to wait for him to make time for just a normal date. You know, dinner...movie...before calling attention to it. .

Good luck with your man.  I know that cop life.  It's tough to find time for anything in this profession. .

Take care!  Thanks for the good advice!.

LMK..

Hi there LMK,.

I can direct you to a board where many of the women would have experienced what you are feeling now:.

Http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppstepmother.

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Yes, you have to accept his priorities. If you can't, this situation is not for you.

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