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Ladies: why do all girls reject me on match.com and eharmony? IM for pic?

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My first question is: Ladies: why do all girls reject me on match.com and eharmony? IM for pic?.

My next question is: Hi everyone! I'm new here, and I've been having a relationship (thru Match.com) problem for the past few weeks.  I was hoping you could help me figure out what went wrong. I'll try to be as brief as possible, but I am kind of venting, so please be patient..

I guess to understand the whole situation I better start from the beginning. I met this guy through a mutual friend, and pretty much on the first night of hanging out, this guy and I slept together. This isn't something I usually do, so even though I gave him my phone number, I wasn't expecting to hear from him and I DEFINITELY wasn't planning on ever seeing him again. But, surprise surprise, he actually started talking to me. At first I thought that he just wanted a physical relationship, so I pretty much ignored him in the beginning, but then he started telling me that he liked me, wanted to get to know me, and could see himself dating (online dating with Match.com) me.

After he told me this, I decided to give things a shot because I kind of liked him too. Well, fastforward five months, and things pretty much turned out the way I had feared. Our relationship (thru Match.com) has turned out to be primarily physical and now I'm in trouble because I have some deep feelings for this guy. A few weeks ago, I sent him an email (because I'm a chicken and couldn't bring myself to discuss this face to face) asking him if he wanted this to go anywhere. He didn't respond, and now it's pretty much been a month since I last saw him. The last time I spoke to him (I'm initiating ALL conversations) I asked him if my email freaked him out, and he said that it didn't, he just had a lot of stuff going on right now..

I don't know what to believe right now. Part of me feels like he has been lying about the way he feels about me all these months. We were hanging out for five months, so I feel like I deserve SOME explanation to what's going on instead of "I'm busy." Maybe I was just a booty call all these months and didn't realize it..

What do you think is going on? Any sort input would be greatly appreciated...

Comments (8)

Your question was: Ladies: why do all girls reject me on match.com and eharmony? IM for pic?.

I would go with your gut in this situation. .

Either one of the following happened:.

1)He led you to believe that his intentions were to develop something from your relationship.

2)nothing came of the relationship (thru Match.com) because nothing was really there besides the physical and it just panned out..

 After that initial conversation...did he ever express any sentiment about you or the relationship (thru Match.com) again?.

 ..

Comment #1

He told me several times throughout the months that I was with him that he liked me, ect. And when we were together he treated me like he genuinely cared about me, which is why I'm so confused with how things have turned out...

Comment #2

A guy can genuinely like you and enjoy your company but still not want things to develop into a full blown relationship.  It sounds like your email forced him to look at whether he wanted more than what you had, and he decided he didn't for whatever reason.  It's unfortunate he's not being upfront with you about that, but that's fairly common for guys to just do the fade out (not saying it's right, just that it's common)..

The bright side of this is that you sending that email means that you didn't spend more time in a situation that wasn't going to give you want you wanted so that's *something*.  I'm sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped though, I know that's tough to accept..

Sheri..

Comment #3

I think a good bit of what's going on here is that we are hormonally hard-wired to attach when we have sex, particularly for prolonged period oftime.  So when you say it was primarily physical but you developed deep feelings, IMO your hormones flared up just as they should and drug your emotions along with them.  Because he didn't respond to your e-mail, you are initiating all contact, and he is using the lame excuse of "I'm busy" I think he's ready to move on, if he hasn't already moved on. .

I had a FWB relationship that ended with me becoming emotionally attached and then he quit calling.  I wanted an explanation.  Fastforward a few weeks, with me working to get this all out my system, when he called.  My reaction was to want to rush over to his place and have sex.  During this call, he once again told me that we would always be friends.  By the time he re-stated this completely meaningless explanation, I didn't really care anymore, I realized it was about the sex, not him. .

So my advice is that you need to do what it takes to get this guy out of your system.  Go cold turkey & cut off contact.  Go out with your friends, shake your fist at the sky, post messages on iVillage, whatever it takes.  If the explanation is "I'm busy" or "we're friends" it's not going to be worth anything anyway.  And you really don't want anything more than a lame excuse (for me, my guy's "we'll always be friends" punt is a lot nicer than if he'd said, for example, "I found you really irritating.").  The point is, you don't need an explanation, you really don't want a real one, and your goal is to get to a place where you won't care about an explanation.   What you want is a guy that cares about you and next time the emotions should precede the sex. .

 ..

Comment #4

Thank you all for your responses. You have all said the things that I have pretty much been thinking, but it always helps to have other people give me their input.

I saw the guy I have been writing about at a party last night. It was a little awkward because I haven't talked to him much the past month, and he didn't really talk to me all that much at the party. I know I need to let this go, but I sent him an email telling him that I accepted that he didn't want any sort of relationship (thru Match.com) with me, but to please honest be with me about what happened. I don't know if he will reply ( although personally I think he'd have to be the scum of the earth if he didn't), but either way, he isn't going to be a part of my life. I don't want to be around someone who probably never meant any of the things that he told me.

I guess I just to learn from this situation, I be on the look out for guys like him...

Comment #5

<< I guess I just to learn from this situation, I be on the look out for guys like him. >>.

You look out for guys like him by looking out for yourself.   In the future, you can prevent this by dating (online dating with Match.com) a guy without it getting sexual right away and not having sex with a guy until you're exclusive. ..

Comment #6

You are absolutely right and that's how I would prefer my relationships to start out. However, sometimes things happen and I believed the things this guy was telling me. In hindsight, I probably should have been more cautious and shouldn't have continued the sexual part of our relationship (thru Match.com) until we had gotten to know each other better and decided that we wanted something from this..

But you know saying live and learn...

Comment #7

Well the first thing is when you started hanging out were you dating? Were both of you still having sex? If it's no to the first and yes to the second then you let him have you with out creating a relationship (thru Match.com) creating a sexual one. You can always change it to a relationship (thru Match.com) by cutting out the sex. He might leave. If he does then screw him he wasnt worth your time. Also he seems to just not be that into you. I've been busy is NOT an excuse.

He didnt reply back therefore he didnt feel he should take the time to be courteous enough to reply. He could just be a nice guy and thats why he acted caring. If you dont want a sexual relationship (thru Match.com) whether you had sex before or not then change the rules. You have the power to choose the type of relationship (thru Match.com) you want...

Comment #8


This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.

 

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