Your question was: Match.com stalker... help!?.

I think it is a great thing and more women should do it more often...

That's fine, but I wouldnt get in a trend with a person, otherwise you will be doing the asking the whole time.  that would be a nightmare to me, personally...

I've always been very forward about liking/wanting to date using Match.com a guy, and it's always been very successful I have usually dated relatively shy, relatively inexperienced men who appreciated not having to guess or play games. Confidence is attractive, if you're confident and assertive with your interest then I think the right guy will really respect it and feel relieved you're not playing hard to get...

It really depends on the guy. Some guys respond very well to being asked out.  I have usually played the middle ground - letting a guy know that I'm attracted to him but without asking him out. Reason being..a number of men I have known tend to be more drawn to a woman who they ask out versus the other way around. somehow, they value more what they pursue.  There really is no right or wrong - more of an individual thing...

Absolutely - it's good to be confident enough to take the initiative..

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While I've never done it (and don't ever intend to), I think it's great that many women do it successfully - taking the bull by the horns, so to speak..

Someone mentioned confidence in women. My not doing it has nothing to do with lack of confidence; I've just never liked a guy first. I've never met anyone whom I liked so much that I wanted to ask him out. I've only had 2 real relationships, including the one I'm in now and they both pursued me..

CL - Women of Color  ..

I thinks times have changed so much and you seen someone you were intersted in and went for it. I say go for it...

Thanks for all the replies! What do you think about a friend that tells you that if the guy was interested he would have asked you out first? This was something somebody said to me after I told them that the guy had said yes to hanging out and it was a male friend. Seems a little off since the guy said yes doesn't it? Has anybody else ever asked somebody out then had this reaction from friends?..

There's a point where your just overanalyzing and overthinking when really what you should be doing *is whatever the hell you want* and *whatever will make you happy*.  I've never asked a guy out, but I've given my number without them asking just because I was impatient and I needed to get going.   But I wouldnt rule out asking a guy out if I felt like. .

Basically it boils down to I'm going to do what I want.  If I like x person enough to ask him out, I will.  If he doesnt respond, for one, obv it's his loss.  But second, really, who cares?  It's not a big deal.  Even if you are the type to be embarassed by rejection (Im not), it's not like it's broadcast on CNN....

I think your friend's motivation is somewhere between well-intentioned and judgmental.  Mixing a message of "be wary" with "that's not something I would do."  Both points are fair to her; it's not something she would do and it's always good to be careful.  The point's just aren't necessarily fair to you.  If you're a strong & confident, the right guy for you is going to be someone who appreciates your strength & confidence (finds it sexy even).  That kind of guy may like that you asked him out. .

I understand that there's a time-honored philosophy of dating (online dating with Match.com) that if a man is interested, he'll make the first move and that some men even prefer the chase.  I think there's some truth in this philosophy.  But, lucky for me, I ignored here here & again.  LOL!  I have had only lukewarm interest in the ones who asked me out and, not wanting to settle for lukewarm attraction, I have taken the initiative with men I find particularly intriguing and I've had some great dates.  So I say "go for it!".  And tell your friend that you appreciate her concern, but the invite has already been made and accepted and now it's a matter of what to wear..

Have fun!.

Kiera. .

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